March 2020 – Diary for thoughts
We, like many others right now seem to be stuck in somewhat of a rut of bad luck or negative feelings (I’m not referring to the global pandemic, but rather the knock on effect of months of poor weather, horrific storms and mental battering before the world went crazy…/ier.!)
Many of you may not have caught up with the news of our year last year… So many things happened that weren’t good and took all our strength just to wake up each day and function for the sake of those left behind … But we somehow made it through and are now incredibly upon the anniversary of losing our family already.
March 1st saw the anniversary of losing Beany, and as horrible as it may be to say it aloud – we were counting down the days as though it were some kind of war memorial that we’d surpassed expectations for simply staying alive and battling through the sheer pain and grief. Now we find ourselves trapped in a never-ending loop of daily chores for the Moon Shadow Cats and suddenly realising that -if a year ago we lost do much – that means likewise it is almost a year since we gained 6 new bundles of fluff and cute (grumpy, bitey, noisey) meowishness. As if the mere thought was a revelation that crept up on us and stared us down?!
Todays routine is so much different than the previous babies would have been happy with. These days our work time often starts within the cabin (after or around doing orders and other work) at 3pm and finishes around 5am. Feeding times vary but longer times of just being in the cabin whilst the bustling furclad children run crazily around the sofa, trolley, cupboards and houses – Benny battling his “Tootbawll” rattle papers around the floor and bringing them back to us to throw again… Cora(fox) nestling up alongside the sofa teddies Sparkle and Sealy for long cosy snuggles or occasionally trying to get to grips with how to “cat” and interact with the boys at playtime, Albs plodding around slowly and inquisitively from stools to sofa, to cupboards and back then suddenly dashing off in a flurry of black and white Giant-Alby -Kitten as he legs it behind the sofa and darts out behind Benny the other side to triumphantly “za-zaaaaaa” him into mutual pattysmackies on the noodle… Pearly penguin regally sprawling across the microwave and looking down upon her court of crazies…. Occasionally quacking off-key tones of command that no-one else can understand so we all sheepishly stop, look at her then quietly go back to our respective missions… And then there’s Squirrel-hamsterface (Will) who spends 98% of her time upside down on the tree in hers and Lu’s room sounding like a crazed chipmunk crossbred with some kind of small monkey or dog! The only semi normal and by that definition odd one out – is Luna who aside from her odd five minutes of dashing up and down the ladder in her house – barely interacts or .. does anything – until 17th of march when she out of character (ly) insisted on multiple uppy hugs and stretched out to grasp my arm for ages just like chewie used to….
It’s really difficult to express my true feelings of the difference between the two lives… The Craft-E-Kittens envisions (?wrong word? Brings to mind basically) Chewie, Eggy, Pum and Beany while feeling a hollow gap of “God I miss doggy”… Then you look around and realise that you’re being dumb and you are now surrounded by absolutely NONE of them and your heart flips, tummy twists and you look around panickily wondering when that happened and did anybody else notice that you were confused about it..
It’s taken a long while to get the feeling of beginning to think Yes, these babies are ours.. we aren’t just foster parents (never have been but it’s a mutually agreed expression of our mentality since losing the others that these felt like they were not staying)… But now we have a growing bond with each other and see a glimmer of hope for the future.
